Akbar sent me a question, “How do I stop thinking about people who are mean to me?” I’m going to approach this question, by explaining how to eliminate negative thought’s and action’s. I’ll explain how our brains retrieve these negative thoughts and in doing so also explain how to keep yourself from having these thoughts.
This is a complicated question, so it will take me a bit to solve it. Hang in there. If you don’t like reading articles, watch the video instead.
Today, you’ll learn how to control your emotions! When we think about anything we remember past experience’s through 3 primary way’s:
In psychology, it is believed that you can replace a negative thought by focusing on what triggers it and then assigning a positive thought to that trigger. You do this with the Swish Technique. First, I want you to exercise your brain though.
Test your Ability to Remember
Think back to a positive experience visually. Now, answer these question’s:
Think back to a positive experience auditorily. Now, answer these question’s:
Think about (how / what) you feel in this experience and answer these question’s:
A submodality is a distinction in how we re-experience a past event. Remembering a visual event in black & white versus color is an example. The submodalities we have a firm grasp on dramatically influence our emotion’s and experience’s.
Everyone has their own special developed submodalities and they completely control your emotions. Here are commonly developed submodalities. Re-experience them in your brain and tell me how they make you feel:
How do these picture’s make you feel?
When a person has a lack of emotions, that normally means they have not developed their submodalities (They can’t re-experience past event’s clearly).
If someone has no control of their emotions, they normally have very well developed submodalities (They experience past event’s as if they are occurring in the moment).
How to Control your Emotions
So, if you want to control your emotions, you need to give your representation’s of a past event new submodalities. If it is a bad experience you need to enrich it and then replace it with a positive experience. While you can’t change the past, you can change how you represent a past memory.
You must now figure out what trigger’s your unwanted emotion? If something causes you to become angry, what triggers that anger? Now ask yourself these question’s, is that trigger:
Now to contrast this anger experience a moment in which you are completely relaxed. Go there now and answer the above question’s again. Breath deeply and relax. Now you know the different submodalities you use when in a state of anger versus a state of relaxation.
Now replace the submodalities of anger, with those you utilize when relaxed. Example: If you see everything in color, when relaxed, but in black & white when angered, see the experience that made you angry in color. If you continue to do this, the experience that previously caused anger will now be subdued.
What if that doesn’t work
If you are unable to eliminate your anger by substituting your relaxed submodalities, that mean’s you have developed your emotion of anger beyond your ability to relax. Simply, you find it easier to get angry than to relax. If that is true, you must find the positive emotion that is more powerful than anger. I don’t mean to be fruity, but this emotion is normally love. Think about your love for:
Now analyze the submodalities that are well developed when experiencing that love. Experience the moment that makes you angry with these love submodalities.
Eliminate the Negative Feeling
You now have all the tool’s you need to eliminate negative feelings. Just follow these steps:
Now you know:
Now create a positive outcome image:
The Swish Pattern
Richard Bandler, a renowned psychologist created the Swish Pattern. Through this technique, you can replace negative feelings with positive feelings. All you need to do is:
Find out what triggers the negative feeling (What you see, hear, (and / or) feel)
Create a complete image of yourself in a positive and resourceful state. (See yourself)
Create an image of what you see when you are experiencing the negative feelings. (See this image through your own eye’s)
Now follow these step’s:
Repeat this, until the trigger or cue (image, sound, feeling) always make’s you think of the resourceful image instead of the negative feeling.
You can also swish the cue negative image away, toward the distance. As if it is a picture, blowing away. This works best for me.
That’s All Folk’s
I hope this helps you to better control your emotion’s. If you are looking for further reading on the subject, you can find the book I mentioned Using Your Brain for a Change for about $7.
If you have a question you would like me to cover, leave it in the comment section below.
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