How to Control Emotions

How to control emotionsAkbar sent me a question, “How do I stop thinking about people who are mean to me?” I’m going to approach this question, by explaining how to eliminate negative thought’s and action’s. I’ll explain how our brains retrieve these negative thoughts and in doing so also explain how to keep yourself from having these thoughts.

This is a complicated question, so it will take me a bit to solve it. Hang in there. If you don’t like reading articles, watch the video instead.

Today, you’ll learn how to control your emotions! When we think about anything we remember past experience’s through 3 primary way’s:

  • Pictures
  • Sounds
  • Feelings

In psychology, it is believed that you can replace a negative thought by focusing on what triggers it and then assigning a positive thought to that trigger. You do this with the Swish Technique. First, I want you to exercise your brain though.

Test your Ability to Remember

Think back to a positive experience visually. Now, answer these question’s:

  • Is that picture in black & white or color?
  • Do you see yourself in the experience? (If so your Dissociated with the experience)
  • Are you experiencing the moment through your own eye’s? (If so your Associated with the experience)
  • Can you interact with your surroundings or are they flat like a picture?
  • Is the experience far away, or does it surround you?

Think back to a positive experience auditorily. Now, answer these question’s:

  • Do you hear anything?
  • Are the sound’s loud or soft?
  • Is the sound in stereo or monotone?
  • Is the sound clear or muted?

Think about (how / what) you feel in this experience and answer these question’s:

  • Can you reach out and feel textures?
  • Can you experience the weight of objects?
  • Can you feel heat or cold?
  • Are these feelings intense, or to you have to force yourself to feel anything?


A submodality is a distinction in how we re-experience a past event. Remembering a visual event in black & white versus color is an example. The submodalities we have a firm grasp on dramatically influence our emotion’s and experience’s.

Everyone has their own special developed submodalities and they completely control your emotions. Here are commonly developed submodalities. Re-experience them in your brain and  tell me how they make you feel:

  • The hiss of a snake or cat
  • The growl of a dog
  • A police siren
  • A laughing child
  • The warmth of the sun
  • A cold breeze
  • Burning hand

How do these picture’s make you feel?

Astronaut on the moonChild and Mother Falling Child Prepared for a FuneralSoldier Kissing

When a person has a lack of emotions, that normally means they have not developed their submodalities (They can’t re-experience past event’s clearly).

If someone has no control of their emotions, they normally have very well developed submodalities (They experience past event’s as if they are occurring in the moment).

How to Control your Emotions

So, if you want to control your emotions, you need to give your representation’s of a past event new submodalities. If it is a bad experience you need to enrich it and then replace it with a positive experience. While you can’t change the past, you can change how you represent a past memory.

You must now figure out what trigger’s your unwanted emotion? If something causes you to become angry, what triggers that anger? Now ask yourself these question’s, is that trigger:

  • Black & White or in Color?
  • Do you see yourself in the experience, or do you see it through your own eye’s?
  • Is the picture moving or a static image?
  • Is the image close or far away?
  • Are the sound’s loud or soft
  • Are the sound’s in stereo or monotone?
  • How do you feel?
  • Can you feel a tension in a specific part of your body?

Now to contrast this anger experience a moment in which you are completely relaxed. Go there now and answer the above question’s again. Breath deeply and relax. Now you know the different submodalities you use when in a state of anger versus a state of relaxation.

Now replace the submodalities of anger, with those you utilize when relaxed. Example: If you see everything in color, when relaxed, but in black & white when angered, see the experience that made you angry in color. If you continue to do this, the experience that previously caused anger will now be subdued.

What if that doesn’t work
If you are unable to eliminate your anger by substituting your relaxed submodalities, that mean’s you have developed your emotion of anger beyond your ability to relax. Simply, you find it easier to get angry than to relax. If that is true, you must find the positive emotion that is more powerful than anger. I don’t mean to be fruity, but this emotion is normally love. Think about your love for:

  • A girlfriend or boyfriend
  • A child
  • A pet
  • God
  • An object

Now analyze the submodalities that are well developed when experiencing that love. Experience the moment that makes you angry with these love submodalities.

Eliminate the Negative Feeling

You now have all the tool’s you need to eliminate negative feelings. Just follow these steps:

  • Rank the issue from 1 to 10, on how much anger, resentment, etc it causes you to feel
  • Re-experience the moment in your mind, that causes this feeling
  • Determine the trigger that causes the unwanted feelings. What images, sounds, feelings, etc. tell you to have this unwanted feeling?
  • See, hear and feel the moment clearly. (Note the submodalities that are well developed)
  • Think of another experience that makes you feel the opposite emotion’s. (Note the submodalities that are well developed here)
  • Write down the differences between the visual, auditory and feeling submodalities of the problem versus the resourceful thoughts.
  • Now think about both experiences at the same time. Think about what you see, hear and feel in each experience at the same time.

Now you know:

  • What triggers the negative feeling
  • The different submodalities that are being used to experience that negative event
  • The positive submodalities you need to use to experience the event

Now create a positive outcome image:

  • Picture what you will look like without this negative feeling weighing you down
  • Imagine how you will feel once you have eliminated this negative feeling
  • Imagine how by eliminating this negative feeling your life will change

The Swish Pattern

Richard Bandler, a renowned psychologist created the Swish Pattern. Through this technique, you can replace negative feelings with positive feelings. All you need to do is:

Find out what triggers the negative feeling (What you see, hear, (and /  or) feel)
Create a complete image of yourself in a positive and resourceful state. (See yourself)
Create an image of what you see when you are experiencing the negative feelings. (See this image through your own eye’s)

Now follow these step’s:

  • Close your eye’s and see the image that cue’s you to start having the negative feeling. Make this image big and bright.
  • In the corner of this picture, create an image of your desired state.
  • With your eye’s closed, imagine that the resourceful image is growing big and bright and covering up the cue image.
  • As you do this you can make a swishing sound, or sweep the issue away with your arm. Imagine your resourceful image swishing over the cue like a wave.

Repeat this, until the trigger or cue (image, sound, feeling) always make’s you think of the resourceful image instead of the negative feeling.

You can also swish the cue negative image away, toward the distance. As if it is a picture, blowing away. This works best for me.

That’s All Folk’s

I hope this helps you to better control your emotion’s. If you are looking for further reading on the subject, you can find the book I mentioned Using Your Brain for a Change for about $7.

If you have a question you would like me to cover, leave it in the comment section below.

Here to Serve

Think Tank

4 Responses to “How to Control Emotions”

  1. George says:

    I tent to pass through negative thoughts before I get to the positives, thanks to the negatives I feel like no one wants me anymore..

    • admin says:

      Every person has terrible days. Everyone finds the positives in life in different ways. If people are causing you problems get away from them. You may find comfort in thinking about a terrible situation you found yourself in in the past. Chances are what you thought would never pass is long forgotten.

      When we are in a bad state of mind we feel as if we don’t have options. The fact is that you completely control your life. You may feel out of place in the world. Maybe you feel you don’t have any security? I’ve seen people personally devote their lives to not living by the supposed rules. One man up and left society and now lives off the land on his own. He was always out of place in the world so he created his own world. He is probably now more secure than anyone else.

      You always have options. You can completely reinvent yourself right now. We live in a world were everything is run by little particles called electrons. Everything you see everywhere is not truly understood. Even though we don’t understand it we have access to the greatest music, entertainment, knowledge, etc. that anyone who ever lived has ever known.

      Now is the greatest time in history to live! Even though many will tell you different, 10 years from now will be even greater than today!

      You have the option right now to live in a world filled with the greatest technology ever created, or you can live like a king on your own terms in complete security off the land. Those are but two choices you have. Either way you can decide to do what is best for you irregardless to what anyone says

  2. John Michael Hernandez says:

    Dear Mr. Derek Banas,

    Excellent job bro……you will help the human race immensely. It is all about shifting perspective and lots of equinimity. The mind is the most powerful force in the infinite universe.

    May loves altimate spirit shine in your wisdom teachings.

    Thanks for your concern for Personhood.



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